The Toxicity of Being a “Boy Mum”

The internet has become a breeding ground for extremes, with social media trends reaching disturbing new lows. New mothers-to-be are bombarded with content that portrays them as either failing or falling into toxic relationships with their sons. The hashtag #BoyMum has become a portal to a world where boys are either feral, violent agents of domestic destruction or the great love of your life.

At first glance, this might seem like another example of internet exaggeration and satire gone wrong. However, experts warn that this content can have a profound impact on parents and their children. Dr. Joanne Orlando, an expert in digital wellbeing, believes these portrayals are damaging because they perpetuate the idea that there’s something inherently wrong with boys that needs to be fixed.

This is not just about new mothers being bombarded with stereotypes and pressure to conform to certain expectations. It’s also about social media platforms amplifying and normalizing extreme content for engagement and clicks. As Dr. Orlando notes, “what social media does best is playing on parental guilt” – a tactic particularly toxic for vulnerable new parents.

The trend taps into growing anxiety about raising boys in a world where traditional masculinity is under scrutiny. The rise of the “manosphere,” popularized by figures like Andrew Tate, has created a culture that encourages men to see themselves as victims of societal expectations and feminism. Social media platforms are picking up this narrative, using it to create a sense of urgency and crisis around parenting.

But what’s most disturbing is how this trend portrays mothers as complicit in their sons’ potential for violence or having an unhealthy attachment to them. The content is not just inflammatory – it’s also deeply damaging to new parents already struggling with feelings of inadequacy and responsibility.

Dr. Justin Coulson, a leading expert on parenting and family dynamics, agrees that the trend is worrying. He notes that sex differences highlighted in some of these reels are a biological reality – but this doesn’t mean parents should anticipate or excuse violence as inevitable. As he puts it, “just because something is normal and natural, that doesn’t mean it’s good, healthy, or to be encouraged.”

Coulson emphasizes the importance of teaching and modeling healthy masculinity in children. Parents have a responsibility to socialize their kids, including teaching boys how to use their energy and power in healthy ways.

Many new parents are using AI and social media for parenting advice and reassurance – leaving them vulnerable to provocative clickbait. And when it comes to the hashtag #BoyMum, it’s clear that some of the content is not just inflammatory but also deeply disturbing.

As a new mother-to-be myself, I can attest to the pressure to conform to certain expectations on social media. But being a mother is not about participating in a particular maternal subculture – it’s about raising healthy, well-adjusted children who will become contributing members of society.

It means being aware of the content we’re consuming and mindful of how it makes us feel. It means recognizing that social media platforms are designed to maximize engagement and clicks – not to provide accurate or balanced information. We must take control of our own narratives and refuse to participate in clickbait culture. As Coulson notes, “social media platforms push us towards edges and boundaries” – but it’s up to us to decide what we engage with.

Ultimately, being a #BoyMum is not something that needs to be defined or explained by social media. It’s about raising children who are kind, empathetic, and respectful – regardless of their sex or gender. And as for the algorithm? Let it stay in the background, where it can’t dictate our parenting choices or reinforce toxic stereotypes.

It’s time to take back control of our own narratives and reject the toxic trends emerging on social media. Being a mother is not about conforming to certain expectations – it’s about raising healthy, happy children who will thrive in a world that needs all the love, kindness, and compassion we can give.